How do we arrive at the true self? Is the best definition from Buddhism, Thomas Merton, or any one of thousands of descriptions of what it means to live an integrated or authentic or purpose-filled life?

The journey reminds me of Dante’s descent into the inferno — a metaphorical journey into the depths of self. Just as Dante navigated the complex terrain of his inner hell, uncovering our true self demands courage, resilience, and a willingness to embrace the unknown.

Here are 8 key elements that contribute to my understanding of “true self”:

True self is not equivalent to personality.

Imagine a young artist who spends years perfecting their craft, believing their “creative genius” defines who they are. Over time, they feel trapped by the expectations they’ve built around their identity. Upon stepping away from art for a while, they discover they’re more than their talent — a person capable of joy, vulnerability, and connection outside of their “persona.”

Our personalities, shaped by experiences and social conditioning, often obscure our deeper nature. In Carl Jung’s framework, this would align with the idea of the “persona” versus the deeper, more authentic self — the “Self” that integrates all facets of our being.

True self is connected to our moral core and values.

Think of Nelson Mandela. After 27 years in prison, he emerged not bitter but steadfast in his belief in justice and reconciliation. His actions weren’t dictated by external pressures but by a moral compass rooted in his values. Living in alignment with one’s principles — whether in small daily acts or significant life choices — is a hallmark of authenticity.

Research in moral psychology, such as Jonathan Haidt’s work on the foundations of morality, suggests that aligning with one’s core values fosters a sense of integrity and purpose, strengthening the connection to the true self.

True self is often associated with virtuous actions and beliefs.

Virtue isn’t about perfection but striving for integrity. Consider, if you will, the story of Siddhartha Gautama, who became the Buddha. His journey involved facing his shadow — the temptations of power, desire, and ego — to arrive at enlightenment. Similarly, uncovering your true self means acknowledging your flaws while striving toward your higher aspirations.

Psychologists like Carl Rogers emphasize the role of congruence — the alignment between one’s inner self and outward actions — in fostering authenticity and psychological well-being.

True self is revealed through deep self-awareness and inner work.

A corporate executive might achieve every outward marker of success yet feel an unshakable emptiness. In seeking answers, they embark on a journey of self-reflection, discovering they’ve neglected their passion for teaching. By reconnecting with this buried desire, they uncover a more authentic version of themselves.

Deep self-awareness, as described by mindfulness practitioners like Tara Brach, requires engaging in honest conversations with ourselves. This includes examining beliefs, motivations, and limitations with compassion and clarity.

True self is not static but a process of continual adaptation and growth.

Picture a person who, in their youth, identifies as a fierce advocate for social justice. Decades later, they channel their energy into mentoring young activists, adapting their contribution to align with their evolving capacities and perspectives.

This evolving nature aligns with Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, which highlights the lifelong process of adapting to new roles and challenges while maintaining a coherent sense of self.

True self may be connected to a sense of purpose and a “bigger Self.”

In Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, he recounts finding purpose even in the horrors of a concentration camp. For Frankl, the true self was inextricably linked to a higher purpose — one’s unique role in contributing to the world.

Similarly, philosopher Teilhard de Chardin described the “true self” as part of a greater unfolding — a connection to the “Omega Point,” where individual and collective evolution converge.

True self involves a willingness to surrender and let go of limiting beliefs and attachments.

Imagine someone who’s spent their life striving for approval from others. A sudden health scare forces them to reevaluate their priorities. In surrendering their need for external validation, they find a deeper sense of peace and self-worth.In spiritual traditions like Christianity, the act of surrender is often described as “dying to self” to uncover the divine within.

This echoes Franciscan Friar and ecumenical priest, Richard Rohr’s work on transformation through letting go of ego-driven attachments.

"Love is the source and goal, faith is the slow process of getting there, and hope is the willingness to move forward without resolution and closure." — Richard Rohr

Connecting with true self requires courage and a willingness to face difficult truths.

Returning to Dante’s journey, he could not ascend to paradise without first confronting the inferno. Remember that infamous sign: “Abandon all hope all ye who enter”? That basically means, abandon any hope that you don’t have to go through this “hell” to get through to your true self. Uncovering the true self often involves facing uncomfortable truths about ourselves — our fears, failures, and limitations. Our egoic identities will not let go without a fight.

This is echoed in the concept of “shadow work” in Jungian psychology, which emphasizes integrating the hidden, rejected parts of ourselves to become whole.

Takeaway

You may be asking yourself, What is the relevance of all this true self stuff to me? And that’s a good question. And I don’t have the answer to it. But I do have a few questions, which should reveal to you just how important this is to you or not:

Do you believe knowing yourself is beneficial? If so, how do you believe it benefits you?

What do you think about pursuing this truer self of yours? Is it possible? What are the limits?

After reading this post, do you feel any closer to knowing what your first actions will be?

Discovering the true self is ultimately about cultivating a deep, compassionate relationship first with ourselves. It’s a path marked by vulnerability, authenticity, and a profound willingness to be fully present to our inner landscape.

This exploration suggests that the true self is not a fixed destination but a dynamic, evolving journey of self-discovery. It requires courage, honesty, and a commitment to inner growth. By embracing this path, we open ourselves to a more meaningful, connected, and authentic way of being.