The first mountain of life to the second mountain has been recently inspired by David Brooks, Richard Rohr, and other thought leaders — but reaches back to time immemorial.

The first mountain is about ego-driven pursuits — success, achievement, and external validation.

The second, especially as it connects to the idea of the hero’s journey, is one in which you abandon these goals and set out on a second-half of life adventure.

Typically, you’re marked in some way from your travails in this first half. You’ve been through hardships, and these experiences have shaped you. You’re ready to commit to life in a way that gives back, not just a long slog of the same thing decade in and decade out.

The first mountain is necessary, by the way. You don’t skip it. We all need some ego strengthening. It’s like the “You Are Here” on a map.

Life inevitably hands us setbacks, failures, or moments that force us to reassess our path. Should we accept our mission, that’s when we begin our climb up the second mountain, a journey marked by deeper purpose, meaningful commitments, and true fulfillment.

You don’t automatically venture on the second mountain. It’s not for everyone. Many will choose to remain on the first mountain they know for better or worse, and that’s fine. That’s part of why it’s really a choice.

The second mountain is full of challenges. Just ask Odysseus.

The First Mountain: Driven by Ego Development and Achievement

The first mountain is characterized by the need to establish our identity, achieve external validation, and secure our place in the world. We chase goals related to career, wealth, recognition, and power, often without questioning why these things matter to us.

Why don’t we question?

In large part because it’s all we know. Our parents, our peers, the “world” all have their motivations and preferences for what we do, who we need to be, and why. A great deal of energy is spent either conforming to these external demands, or rebelling against them. But in either case, we form “who we are” in response these first mountain ideas and ideals.

We also don’t deeply question because it’s disruptive and even dangerous. And sometimes you need to understand how everything works including your own role within the given structures you have to operate within before you can authentically move to your own drum. You have to learn the rules so you can break them.

But let’s pause here and reinforce this principle: you shouldn’t try to skip this step. I would say, in fact, embrace it.

It’s exciting to figure out your way in the world. It feels good to prove you know how to be responsible and independent, that you can move out of your parent’s house and start a life of your own. It’s rewarding to find a lifelong partner. It’s fulfilling to start a family and learn what it’s like to live for someone else who depends on you.

It may be a time of striving, where our ego drives us to accomplish and prove ourselves, but it’s also setting a foundation within the given societal structures and expectations we find ourselves within. They may be human created, but they’re real enough.

But as we continue up this first mountain, many of us begin to feel a sense of disillusionment. The successes we once craved might start to feel hollow. We might achieve what we set out to do, only to realize it doesn’t bring the fulfillment we expected. Or, we might experience significant setbacks — failures that shake our sense of identity and force us to confront uncomfortable truths.

Failure as a Catalyst for Growth

Failure sucks. It’s not just failure, per se. It’s whenever anything doesn’t go the way we plan, hope, expect.

From a young age, I dreamed of being a writer — a famous novelist or poet whose works would be remembered forever. This dream, deeply tied to my identity, and drove much of my early life decisions. To make a long story short: I pursued a Ph.D. in Creative Writing, became an English Professor, and worked tirelessly on my writing.

But after more than a decade of effort, the success I envisioned didn’t materialize, and windows were (or seemed to be) closing. Feeling a profound sense of failure, I walked away from “the literary world,” many of the relationships I’d formed, the work I idealized, as well as my own work.

There was a lot of shame and avoidance, but when I could finally “frame” the experience as a failure — whether or not the experience was as “bad” as I was making out — I was then able to own it with more openness and vulnerability. And my lens shifted from the resignation I felt caught in an underpaid profession doing many things I resented, to at least an acceptance. Acceptance held the deeper mood of peace and calm. Now, with the reframe, there was possibility to create a new self.

This failure — and, importantly, the recognition of it as failure — was a turning point. It wasn’t until I let go of my old dreams and the ego that drove them that I began to explore a new path — a path that led to the creation of a successful business and a deeper understanding of my purpose.Failure was not the end. It was the beginning of something new and more authentic. It also led to the possibility for healing old wounds, and being given (self) permission to enter back into writing on different terms.

You can probably think of many an adventure or life experience that you never would have wished for — and still probably wouldn’t — but now that you’ve been through it, it marks your memory. It may have been a challenge or struggle, but you’re a different person from the experience.

While often painful, experiencing limits or setbacks is a necessary step in the journey from the first mountain to the second. It disrupts your life, forcing you to reassess your values, goals, and potentially discover what truly matters. As you grapple with failure, you begin to let go of your ego-driven desires and start to explore deeper, more soulful aspects of yourself.

8 Practical Takeaways

These are meant to be simple and clear. I hope something resonates from these ideas.

1. Reevaluate Your Identity: Failure often challenges our self-perception. It’s important to recognize that our identity is not fixed — what mattered to us in the past may no longer serve us. Ask yourself: Has my perception of myself changed over the years? How can I update my identity to reflect who I am now?

2. Learn from Disruptions: Failure disrupts our lives, pushing us to reassess our direction. Instead of avoiding failure, how might you now see it as an opportunity to gain clarity and grow? Consider what healthy ways you are already tapping into your own self-awareness to navigate these disruptions.

3. Move Toward the Second Mountain: The journey to the second mountain often begins with failure. It’s a process of shedding the ego and embracing more meaningful pursuits. Reflect on whether you are focused on things that serve your ego or if you’re being called to look deeper within yourself. Move there when you’re ready. Life transitions can serve as the trough — the “in-between” the two mountains. Where would you assess you are now?

4. Control Your Reaction to External Circumstances: It’s not the external event itself that causes distress, but how we interpret it. Practice mindfulness and acceptance to manage your reactions to challenging situations. What is outside of your control that you are frustrated by? How can you shift your focus?

5. Failure Provides Clarity: Instead of fearing failure, see it as an answer that provides valuable feedback. Regret, on the other hand, is a lingering question that offers no resolution. What do you most wish you had done that you didn’t? How can you use this insight to guide your future actions?

6. Effort Matters More Than Outcome: You’ve probably heard this from Angela Duckworth’s Grit, or James Clear’s Atomic Habits. You do not have to be defined by your successes or failures, but by the effort you put in. Focus on what you can control — your effort, determination, and resilience. How could you affirm yourself more and increase your confidence?

7. Free Yourself from the Opinions of Others: Failure can liberate you from the fear of what others think. As you grow from your experiences, the opinions of others will matter less. How does freeing yourself from the judgments of others help you feel freer to take risks and embrace potential failure?

8. Embrace a Little Self-Delusion: Sometimes, a bit of self-delusion can fuel our perseverance, helping us push through challenges. What drives you and why? Understanding your motivations can help you harness the energy needed to keep going, even when the odds are stacked against you.

Final Thought

The journey from the first mountain to the second is not a straight path. It’s a winding road marked by challenges, setbacks, and failures. But it’s also a journey of growth, transformation, and deeper fulfillment.

Embrace your failures as opportunities to learn, grow, and move closer to your true purpose. And as you climb your second mountain, know that you are not alone — there is a community of like-minded individuals on the same journey, ready to support and inspire you.